Girl Down Two Houses

photo courtesy of Hodson Legal

I have been extremely annoyed by most people lately. Not really any one person in particular, but just a host of everybody as a collective unit filtered through their individual forms. I cannot put my finger on what sparks the indignation and frustration. Often small idiosyncracies beyond the reach of rhyme or reason: voice modulation, the length or direction of stares, people’s expressiveness of being in good moods, walks, laughter pitch, it’s really anyone’s guess what will provoke the testy meter. If I had less faith in my ability at self-discerning inward looks, I would go see a shrink pronto to get to the bottom of this mystery. But as matters stand, I’m still somewhat intrigued as to who will evoke an eyeroll of “Could you BE any more obnoxious?” next. These are people I like, people I respect, people I interact with on a daily basis. Yet, I come to expect behaviors in which they test my patience and stamp on my last nerves.

Though the extremes of human misbehavior are often found in such delightful venues as public transportation, I have started to find most irritating more personal and intimate interactions. I get a thoughtful text message, and I feel frazzled. I get a head pat, and I feel like thumping said individual “a little too hard” on the back in appreciation. Someone emails a picture (“I thought you might like this.”) and I feel like signing them up for several SPAM lists. Is it that time of the month? Is chivalry so antiquated that its appearance provokes defensive malice within my icy heart? I myself cannot believe I am feeling such coldness within my puppyloving soul. I have started brainstorming theories as to cause and effect. I have only come up with one. The workday is only so long.

I am the girl down two houses. I always have been, and I always will be. I thought, in recent years, that I might make the final metamorphosis into girl next door. But alas and alack, the antisocial tendencies still demand my time and attention. So instead of eventually completely becoming the laid-back, happy-go-lucky, make you cookies, rub your back, what can I do to make you feel better, i’ll make you laugh, sweet lil ole me, the real world and circumstances beyond my control (ha! what a pathetic excuse!) have carefully honed and maintained my ability to be as snarky as the best of them. So I will continue to embrace my inner snark, and instead of being the girl next door, I will give people the lovely choice of enjoying my fickle company but only if they feel like walking two houses over. The journey is perilous but worthy of the human experience.

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