It’s Been Real…Classy

my boss just took a moment for all the other interns to reminisce about me because it’s my last day at this internship:

“remember when aparna used to be quiet?” ~my boss

“remember when aparna used to be modest?” ~intern chris

“i remember when i first met aparna, one week ago…” ~new intern cory

“you guys can call me a skank after i’m gone. i don’t care.” ~ intern aparna

“aparrrrrrna *defensively*, we won’t call you a skank.” ~intern cristina

“you guysssss, c’mon, keep reminiscing about me!” ~ intern aparna

@@@

aw shit, abdullah, aw shit. (that is what intern chris says to me when he’s feeling sentimental. except despite being a skinny white boy, he says it in a voice hybrid of barry white and isaac hayes)

ok. last day of work. i feel like shit. i had some bad fondue last night. hahahahahaha. that sounds ridiculous. i’ve never had fondue before in a restaurant. and apparently, it was a troublesome experience for my tummy. i no leave tip! just kidding. we left a tip. a huge one. it was like nine people so we racked up a $300 tab ($360 with tip). and allz i got to take home was this indigestion.

so i woke up in a fetal position and then hightailed it to the bathroom. so today, in summation, my neck, stomach, and back hurt. tomorrow i’m hoping my head can get in on the action. perhaps i’ll walk into a metal pole. then i can be bedridden rather than a sordid mess of barely mobile parts.

so now i’m at work and just composed an epic-long goodbye email to everyone here. it is ridiculously long with a list of shout-outs at the end, the first one belonging, of course, to the misanthropic writer.

two people have already come and said goodbye. oh trifle. i will not cry. or puke. one or the other.

the misanthropic writer, after i told him it was my last day: *blink* that’s what you think. no one ever leaves here. now, did you hear about the killer flying shrimp on long island?

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