OH MYLANTA. the evening that was last night was legendary, breathalyzing, of preposterous proportions.
it all started out harmfully enough at a happy hour for two birthdays of two friends. i already started panning from my bag of small-flipping-dog-look-at-me tricks. and was planning on retiring semi-early to go home and boob tube it.
things soon however spiraled further into the den of sin. we decided to hit another bar after that for an extended happy hour.
i bumped into some bad date guy and proceeded to belligerently bust his balls about it, might have danced a little too flamboyantly, and then ended up telling most people in the room that THAT GUY (i helpfully pointed at BAD DATE guy) was an asshole, and only wanted play.
we changed bars. then i definitely got in verbal assault and batteries with one guy about journalistic editorializing, two guys about terrorism risk assessment, and another guy with my lack of being into him. then, as if on cue, i bumped into someone who went to amherst who i didn’t know that well but i recognized his face…and spent about ten minutes digging through my purse just so i could show him my amherst ID. then i whooped about it. yes. i whooped. then he told me he was gay (i didn’t ask…), and then he introduced me to his girlfriend. then my friend kicked some guy in the balls. and it was time to go.
i missed the last subway train out of the city, got a ride with a friend of friends, left my bag in his car, and woke up this morning with orange peels falling out of my jacket, no money, and three phone numbers that i have vague recollections of getting, and a hotmail address. i think maybe one had romantic undertones. the rest are all ploys to get in on my work connections. geez. and may i say louise?
casualty count: 1 drunk-text, 1 episode of prolonged shouting, 3 arguments, gave out number twice (with sustained regret), countless unforgiveable dance moves.
ah yes, and i definitely did that girl thing where i’m like “i love you guys!!!” and then hugged ten people i didn’t know and said “we have have haveeeee to hang out again!”