The Strikeout Lineup

ahahahahahahahahaha. remember flatline date guy? he just invited me to a movie tomorrow night. ahahaahahahahaha. why? why would he do that? what would someone with whom you shared an awkward “look ma, no chemistry!” 40 minutes of painful staring at the wall behind his head session, and who you “accidentally” ditched on the subway after that possibly see in our future? i guess i’m talented like that. absolutely nothing about him captivated me. and i mean that in the nicest way possible (ouch). in fact, perhaps i’m the one being narrowminded here. he did suggest a movie. that would involve little to no interaction. maybe i should say, sure but only if we sit at least three rows apart and do not speak or acknowledge each other. or, sorry, i would but i’m getting my back waxed. it’s fun to be hypothetically mean.

and meanwhile, college undergrad indian cuisine chef/homemaker. that was another date recently. he preached to me the whole time about how all boys want to do is get laid, and i’m kidding myself if i hope to think otherwise. he said he would “do” 98% of his friends of the female persuasion. i inquired about the other 2%, and he looked squirmy and proclaimed “they are my very very good friends, but i would not do them.” i shook my head. then we did SNL impressions to each other back and forth, and it was pure ineffable camaraderie of the shared collegiate away message sort. and yet, despite his hankerings for girls, being laid, and all things will ferrell, he has disappeared into the sunset. of course, he told me to keep up our correspondence. the little casanova cum laude. p.s. he’s probably in the 2% i wouldn’t do.

in today’s morning meeting, one of the guys in our department gave me the scariest look i’ve ever seen. it was pure hate. so much hate in that gaze. when i caught his eye, he quickly looked away. i wonder what i did to deserve that. i’m an intern. i really don’t do much of anything definitive enough to generate such a vigorous reaction. perhaps, it’s my red headband. perhaps i recalled a traumatic memory for him. clearly, i am doing awesome with the MENZ lately. (kanye on helium)

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