Everyone’s A Critic

so yesterday after a perfectly lovely valentine’s day outing with a former beau, i rushed home to catch the tail end of “sex and the city.” ironically, at the very moment i got home, my mother was sitting in front of the entertainment box flipping through the tv guide trying to find something to watch. i immediately pulled a coup d’etat and seized control of the television and thereby the situation. found the channel and the show, and silenced all protests from the peanut gallery. my mother loathes samantha. detests carrie. chides miranda. and huffs at charlotte. as i was watching, she commented on carrie, “she’s been with the same guy for three episodes. that’s a record” and then she said about miranda, “what’s with her hair?” and then later she said, in reference to samantha, “that woman is gross and ridiculous” so i turned to her and i said angrily “don’t you talk about my friends like that!” and i meant it. and she laughed. in. my. face. several times. continually reaffirming my loserdom since always.

ladies ladies ladies

oh yeah also when i was on my way home yesterday, i got on the train with several grim people traveling alone. and then some more grim single people got on. and we continued accumulating. and suddenly one single shouted to another: “hey, it’s you!” and that single shouted back, across the train: “hey it’s you!” and then got up and they sat together. and everyone else grimly turned and looked at them, and shot piercing daggers with their eyes into the bodies of the happy pairing up couple. innocent though it was. people tried hugging their books as if in romantic embrace or losing themselves in ipods tuned solely to love songs. anything to ignore the fact that they were alone. stop torturing yourselves, you muffinheads. i loved all of them secretly. every. single. one.
best picture ever (courtesy of http://www.petebevin.com)

today’s morning subway paper referred to the vice president as “the Cheney.” it was a typo. but it was a typo worth keeping. specific quote: “Critics from the Bush administration called for more answers from the Cheney himself.” priceless.

also from this morning’s washington post express:
“Ratzeburg, Germany, police had to resort to shutting down a highway to stop an elderly man driving down the wrong side of the the road, apparently so convinced he was in the right that he continually blinked his lights at oncoming traffic, authorities said. Police sounded bullhorns and flashed emergency lights from 10 cars to try and get the man to pull over, but he continued along at 65 mph for about 40 miles before stopping at a roadblock.”

3 thoughts on “Everyone’s A Critic

Leave a Reply