i am taking a personal day. i guess most of it has already been taken. some by the big G. some by dark chocolate covered raisins. the rest by the incredible machine that is my procrastination mechanism. in a fit of needing to do something productive before the day ends, i pondered, for a good five minutes, buying a good cheese. that was the extent. but there is still potential. i’m not a quitter. i can smell the cheese. can you smell that? can you smell that? perhaps a very old gouda.
i wish i could combine the things i have to do and somehow create an impregnable collage of productivity and accomplishment. like instead of writing jokes, i could go to an open mike and vacuum the stage and people would laugh. oh, how they would laugh! and then i could submit a good round of cheese to this singles newspaper. and they would instantly hire me as a regular and pay me like i live and breathe fresh quality cheese. and finally, i wish that i could dance on my resume. dance big wild unrestrained west african arm swings, and people would ooh and ahh and clap, and ask for my card. my card would be made of cheese. and then i would tell jokes to my bedroom floor, and the dust and fuzz would laugh itself out the window. hey. it could happen.
“There’s nothing worse than rejection. It’s worse than death. I would wish sometimes for the guy to die because then at least I could go to his grave and visit.” ~The Oprah
“it would have been funny if the guy died from being beaten with fluffy, fluffy pillows if they made his heart shine with joy so much that it exploded and then a rainbow shot out and impregnated a horse with a unicorn.” ~my friend dave