things at my household are getting a little out of control.
1) my dad just started a new job even though he’s close to 60. it’s way more stressful than his old job. more high-tech, farther away, longer hours, less perks, etc. in other words, he’s in it for the love of the game. the game being putting people to sleep before surgery. the other week he worked 30 hours straight with no breaks.
trust me. this is a lot of work. or there wouldn’t be an entire specialty in medicine dedicated to it. this is, despite the fact, that when i was little, i just thought he put people to sleep, then went and watched tv in the coffee room for most of his workday and then woke them up after the surgery, then back for more tv.
so he’s been telling us (the womenz at home) about how he makes it through the day. the simple answer: cookies. he says they make THE BEST COOKIES ever in the hospital cafeteria. as soon as the lunch bell rings (this sounds a lot like elementary school, you’re right) he runs to the cafeteria (risking the wrath of many a hall monitor) and grabs two cookies (they have all kinds: sugar, nuts, chocolate chip, white chocolate macadamia) because they go fast, wraps them up carefully in a napkin and puts them in his pocket.
then when he gets his afternoon coffee break, he happily sits down and eats his cookies slowfully and sinfully. my mother smirked at this part because she nags him to no end to cut back on his sweets. but he guiltlessly declared he’s on a cookie binge, and no one is there to stop him or nag him. and he was so joyous about it. this is how we’re going to be in 40 years. endlessly excited about going to work for cookies.
1a) this reminded my mother of the fact that when i was little and when i did not talk (i had a period of silence when smaller), everytime i came home from preschool, she would ask me how my day was and i would just describe one thing. the snacks we had at school that day. that was the be-all and end-all of my day.
nothing else mattered. and since i still didn’t know how to talk properly, as i didn’t do so often, it would all come out in one big lump of words such as this “wegotorangejuiceandcrackersandthecrackerswereaminals.” she said my voice was like one of those people who have voiceboxes and it sounded inhuman and rough and lacking any inflection whatever. in conclusion, she said she never knew what the heck i was talking about. but i was her child. so she humored me.
2) my mother and i are being punished for our wicked wicked ways. i have always hated people coughing and sneezing. and she has always hated people burping and passing gas. well, the tables have turned, my friends, the tables have turned. now she has acid reflux and i have some permanent office-environment-related dry throat. it’s a sad but karmic day.
3) my parents are cleaning the house today. and i told them it would interfere with my work. that’s right. i’ve become the valuable scientist in my house doing potentially award-winning experiments while they piddle around with their ridiculous medical degrees and vacuum up all my inspiration and zest for reaching new frontiers. they asked me if i could please confine myself to the study so they could dust and window-wash appropriately. so i did what any kid would do. i threw a hissy fit. i listed all my important tasks. i stomped my feet. i made crinkly lays faces. i balled my fists and practically imploded my face. i made demands, and i stood by them. and they caved. they caved. so i better do something with myself.
my dad, this morning: “what is blog?”