Neural Pansiness: Don’t Be a Victim


after numerous experiments, phone surveys, and gel electrophoreses,
my friend, dr. pal, and myself, dr. aparna, have diagnosed and categorized a new disease.

catter-gory: std
numerical code: 69fu
class: impervious to denial
organ of infection: brain
symptoms: paranoia, minor OCD with traces of SAD, dry mouth, nausea, mood
swings, separation anxiety, flaring up of dissociative phobias, ego
suppression, depression, guilt, figurative chest pain, hysteria, listening
to heavy metal and/or emo if you don’t usually, PMS-like behavior
(gender-neutral), and drunk and/or hopeless dialing and/or googling and/or
emailing and/or texting and/or IMing or ALL OF THE ABOVE
name: gonorreality

yes. that’s right. you read correctly. a sexually transmitted disease that operates directly from and infects the brain, the big cahuna human hard drive.

this disease is contracted from having intercourse with a person with whom you have little to no emotional connection. and expresses itself anywhere from within 5 minutes to a full 24 hours post-coitus.

if you’re experiencing 3 or more symptoms, and you think you’re at risk. get tested. get counseling. it’s no herpes but, as we would say in the medical profession, “it really sucks.”

oh yeah. and women are OBVI more prone to this disease than men. most men are carriers though.

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