so. reality is sinking in these days like melted butter into toast. it’s so homey, appetizing, and happily predictable. almost. and then you realize it’s probably coating your arteries in massive cakey chunks until one day your chest tightens up, and you see things for how they truly are. but for now. deeeee-licious.
1. i don’t think i can get over my prejudice against short guys, the guilt factor of which is severely exacerbated by my own short stature. is it better to live in denial or ‘fess up? i can’t can’t can’t deal with this being at eye level with a romantic other. something just ain’t right. plus whenever something’s bothering me, it comes out in an underhanded spastic way. like i kept making references to height the whole night on this date yesterday unintentionally. and then this homeless man ran up to me with a flower yelling “oh lady! lady! lady!” and i shrieked with delight and took it because, you know, that’s love. and then he held out his hand expectantly to my date for cash money. which the poor little guy had to cough up.
2. i don’t think i can get over my pre-hatred and post-hatred of people. sometimes, i meet someone and i have instant dislike. this kind of creeps me out because it means other people experience the same thing upon meeting me. the very same thing. but then i get over it because i don’t often have pre-hatred of people. it usually happens when i’m on the subway and someone sometimes rubs their dirty hands on the back of my neck. ok, not quite, but almost. but that’s usually a surefire case scenario of when i hate people right away.
the other case is when i really like people and then for some unpredictable reason, the liking starts to be replaced by a festering hate. and i don’t know why but it just lingers and lingers. and at first, i try and play nice. but then, i just can’t take it anymore and i blurt out something horribly mean. and then, it’s too late. i can’t take it back. but sometimes it’s better to be honest than to play games. i used to be so even-keeled. now at least 25% of the world drives me bazongas. as a psych major, i’ll get to the bottom of this. i’ll fix it, tweak it, and at least make it smell pretty in the end.
3. i can’t stop eating. at first, it was a sandwich, some chips, an apple. but then i sadly realize i could repeat the whole cycle again a mere five minutes after completion of the first. and i realize i could repeat it once again after that, too. usually, this hungerlust would be accompanied by crippling feelings of guilt, anxiety, and myriad cameos by various fat demons. but for now, we eat. that’s right, we. me, myself, and i. as i was saying, deeeeee-licious.
all of the junk, none of the guilt