i realize this post might come across as loopier than usual, but it’s just less restrained today. i’m always this out of it.
ok it’s time for the mating season to begin again. and by mating, i mean my fingers mating with the keyboard to create frenetic albeit trivial thought-zygotes to spread amongst the masses. and by masses, i mean that one kid who’s clicking on random blogs on autopilot like a flight attendant ticking filled seats in the plane on her little clicker. i do what i can. we all do.
here’s the thing. i found an alien. no, not a resident alien, you bigots. and speaking of bigots, did anyone see the new documentary where the white people become black and the black people become white? it was weird. it made me want to be a prize toy poodle. if that’s not a privileged piece of skin to be in, i don’t know what is.
i’m pretty darn convinced he’s an alien. he’s taller than your average bloke. probably a good 6’7”. and he’s built like a lightpost, or rather, a Q-tip. a tall straight stick with a glowing swab at the top. his head glows…it positively does. and the white hair on the top of it sticks out in a celestial fashion. he walks directly and persuasively. as if he were walking upwards on an escalator to the heavenly bodies. if he’s not an alien, then there are no aliens. it’s just that simple. he also listens to what we humans like to call, “music” on his headphones. it’s probably his communication device with his fellow trons. i respect him immensely, albeit from a distance.
i was just given some cashews by my fellow worker. before he could stop me, i gobbled them up like it was pay day and i was told i would be rewarded for the speed at which i ravished fatproteins. i am left feeling somewhat sheepish, and yet, completely satiated. awww nuts.
we are elusive, yet irresistible. we are the cashew.
the weather outside is making me having extreme flashbacks like i am a comic book heroine in a post-apocalyptic world. every corner i turn, every smell, every sound, every sensory input generates at least 4 technicolored panels of snapshot blurs of…of…of…high school?! i suppose it’s because the last time i was in dc for this kind of weather was in high school. it makes me yearn for past lives lived. or rather, being ten times more insecure than i am now and twice as likely to take a stolen glance and make it last for a week. i hate raising standards.
yeah, this was my high school, WHAT.
in related news, i can’t stop checking out male derrieres. i’m not even that kind of girl. wait, yes, i am. this is my favorite physique. but the most common view from which i see it is the back. yum. in line for coffee.
and i exist in a world of suitcoats alternated with casual chic. it’s no new york city, but i am a girl of simple tastes and mild fashion-related snark. though i will judge it harshly if i see it and it begs for an insult or two. but when i’m on blank slate mode, nothing comes to mind.
oh wait, no wait. here’s a fashion NONO that i have no problem vocalizing, and it’s ALL OVER MY GYM right now so i’m taking a stand.
the male STRAPPY TANK WIFEBEATER. this was never ok, NEVER. if you see it, find a pair of scissors immediately.