it’s TMI time!!!
things i want:
2. to not be hungry
5. a job
1. vibrator, or if i’m extra lucky, a hookup-commitment-phobic asshole with an std
2. i will go home and eat things that do not make me happy and are cold because the microwave is getting on my last nerve. then in anger i will eat half a box of chocolate raisins. and feel better. but society will tell me to feel worse. i will ignore that twotiming bitch.
3. my cellphone will not ring. i have nothing to say anyway. let’s keep moving.
4. i want someone to do a dance interspersed with jokes. i want this someone to preferably be an overly attractive man or someone who hates men. this someone will turn out to be a gray box with many faces and nothing but experiences! and life! this will harmonize PERFECTLY with my raisins.
5. nope. still don’t have this one. but lightning struck next to me today. my co-intern got one RIGHT HERE AT THIS VERY WORKPLACE. and i’m cool with someone else’s success. i’m not cool however with people coming in continually to congratulate him and THEN looking at me and asking me, “hey why are you still here?” except they meant it nicely as in “you’re not paid like the rest of us. why don’t you get on home, little one.” wow. that’s so nice. goes down positively saccharine smooth with a nice arsenic kick at the end.
in some awesome news, i have rediscovered the butthole surfers.
specifically the first 30 seconds of this gem.
wtf, you might say. the best thing ever, i might add.
and i can’t stop listening to matisyahu.