Minty Fresh Wasted

yahahahahahaha st. paddy’s day. was. beyond. belief. here is a story to be filed away in “one time, i got really drunk and…” just so you’re forewarned.

first i was at this party with some work people from my last job. and there was a guy who winked a lot. wink. wink. wink. every time he saw you, WINK. he was a walking emoticon. with about as much depth as an emoticon, anyway. at least in his drunken incarnation. he kept fulfilling our worst hopes about him. we secretly didn’t want him to just be the guy who winks a lot. but he didn’t really break beyond that blanket generalization so alas, that remained his name for the night.

then we went into the outer realms to a bar.

and i definitely ended up being the drunk girl who lost her friends and was wandering around the bar promising “to come back” to every new friend i made. mostly of the male persuasion. ohgeeohgee. and then i tried calling my friends. and nobody would pick up. and then i finally got through to someone and this fine specimen of belligerence started yelling at me for not being able to hear her, and then finally she was like, “fine, bitch. whatever. you know what? screw you! just shut the hell up,” and hung up on me. girl was toasted. then a fight fell on me. literally. i was trying to communicate with my friend alex on the phone and a guy landed with his back squarely on my foot. and then another guy came flying through the air onto him. and then i told alex i better call her back. i’ve decided green beer looks too much like scope and tastes too much not like scope to jive with my palate.

and then. well, let’s just say truth is much stranger than fiction. ah well. i think i sowed my wild oats. for the time being. tra la la.

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