mother: is this your red thong?
me: i don’t own any red thongs.
mother: why not?
and the #1 reason even though i’ve been a bitch to her this weekend that my mother is the best to live with:
she ate a piece of carrot cake yesterday and hates frosting but instead of discarding the white goo like a losing lotto ticket she ate the cake more carefully within the sugared lines than a coloring book ace stays legal while engaged in the craft. so this morning upon opening the fridge, a beautiful frosting skeleton met my wandering hungry gaze.