Let Them Eat Free Bread

so the gin and tanqueray club met again last night. it was just the writer and i. an unprecedented event. we were both two sheets to the wind. we discussed a plethora of topics including finding lost parents, the deleterious effects of drinking and african countries. here was his e-feedback to me this morning:

“you made me laugh several times, and I am a very dour and sour figure.
In fact a Dour and Sour is my favorite drink.”

ahhhhh. finally, validation and praise from someone who’s a legitimate adult and not a parent.

so i went out to dinner last night with a male companion. for the first time. and we went to bertucci’s. as soon as we were within 5 feet of the restaurant, my date started explaining everything anyone ever wanted to know about the cuisine at bertucci’s.

i told him i was a vegetarian, and he was like, “i’m sure we can find something for you to eat.” then when we got our menus, he pointed to all the pizzas and said, “these are all pizzas. you can pick out which one you want. look for one without meat.” ahahahahaaha. thanks for the tip.

then he got really excited about the bread. and said, “they’re going to give us some bread. i really like the bread.” i guess he thought i wasn’t familiar with restaurants and their bread policies. then we got the bread. and it came with a little dish. and he said, “oh this here is OLIVE OIL.” mmmmmhmm, i see.

finally i couldn’t hold back anymore and i said, “you know, i have been to bertucci’s before.” and then he looked so crestfallen, so sad, so very sad, and he said “and you let me go on and on and on?” and i said “well, i’ve only been to one before, and it was waaaaaay up north. i’m sure it was totally different.” and then he looked happy again and said, “yes. i’m sure it was very very different.” then i stuffed some bread in my mouth so as to prevent further dreamkilling.

this interview anecdote will be told through a method called Yay/Boo Bear as taught to me by a very dear though very flaky friend of mine.

Yay/Boo Bear says, “Aparna had a job interview today.” YAYYYYY!
Yay/Boo Bear says, “Aparna was 35 minutes late to her job interview.” BOOOOOO.
Yay/Boo Bear says, “Aparna’s interviewer said it’s ok, it’s a very confusing area. We’ll have the interview anyway.” YAYYYYYYY!
Yay/Boo Bear says, “Aparna’s interviewer says Aparna has no experience for this job.” BOOOOOOO.
Yay/Boo Bear says, “Aparna’s interviewer tells Aparna to look through an issue of the publication and brainstorm some follow-up story angles.” YAYYYYYYYY!
Yay/Boo Bear says, “Aparna’s interviewer goes to a meeting while Aparna does this and abandons her for 35 minutes!” BOOOOOOOOO [i.e., payback].
Yay/Boo Bear says, “Aparna’s interviewer comes back and finishes up the interview. It doesn’t go horribly!” YAYYYYYY!
Yay/Boo Bear says, “Aparna’s interviewer then wraps up interview by saying ‘So actually this position isn’t actually available anymore.'” BOOOOOOO.
C’mere Bear, I have some words for you.

ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh to you, Yay/Boo.

how come when you really want cake, it’s nobody’s birthday in the office? HUH?! explain me that.

happy birthday to my inner cakemonster.

well, instead, my coworker and i are going to split a burrito. hot diggity dog.

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