this morning, i saw 4 old men playing doubles tennis. it was comical. they were all sparks of their former youth, still smoldering but not quite zipping around as much. and one of them tried to serve the ball. and then the ball hit his head instead of the other side of the court. and then one of the old men on the other side of the net started yelling at him to serve it ‘like he showed him!’ and then little mr. server starts giving him a piece of his mind about what he’ll show him, oh yes he will. and then one of them saw me watching. and then they all turned to look. and i pretended to be busy with something. continue the game, gentlemen. as you were.
the anna kournikova of geriatric tennis
yeah so remember my zit diagnosis from yesterday? yeah, well, i think this dermatological malformation deserves its own zipcode. when i woke up this morning, the swelling underneath the epicenter had increased its diameter by 300%. that’s right. three times its size. i wish i was kidding. but it’s no zit, my fritters, in fact, i would even wager to say it’s a BOIL. i have a boil on my forehead. highly irregular. it’s either that or a spiderbite. maybe i should put up a counter as to when all the little baby spiders will come gooshing out of my brain area…in the meantime, the red mountain (as i have now fondly named it) keeps me grounded.
i will not throw a hissy fit when someone edits my writing. i will not throw a hissy fit when someone edits my writing. i will not throw a hissy fit when someone edits my writing. well, it’s the thought that counts. though the fit has been thrown.
the recession of the tantrum
my coworker is sending in questions to the washington post interactive chat about what is appropriate to wear in the workplace. he’s using our names so as to seem like more than one person.
questions thus far submitted:
1. is it ok to wear lumberjack shirts in the workplace?
2. my girlfriend and i have this argument all the time. do i need to wash my hair every single day?
3. how can i tastefully dress to account for my big delicious booooooooty? i used 8 o’s because it’s that big.
guess which one was sent with my name backwards. just guess.
some junk in the trunk