More News Than You Ever Wanted Or Needed to Know

Oh man. Do I have some news for you guys? Yes I do. That wasn’t a question. I am wearing bronzer on my face. That’s right. Bronzer. No! I don’t know why. I’m pretty darn brown-skinned so this bronzer makes me feel very regal as it makes me look of an azure hue (actually it just makes my face look really shiny, like an oscar statuette…it doesn’t blur my features though, that would be traumatizing). It also forms a shining halo around the red mountain on my forehead. A small altar to flaws and abnormalities everywhere rests gently on my brow.
this woman is wearing the ultimate bronzer

That was just part one. Part two. I was watching My Super Sweet 16 this morning. It’s this show on MTV about ridiculously rich 16-year-olds and their crazy 16th birthday parties. This one was by far one of the worst I’ve ever seen. This kid basically did up a party like P. Diddy. Each of his invitations included an mp3 player with an mp3 of him on audio inviting the person to his party. Then Kanye West, Jermaine Dupri and P. Diddy all actually showed up at his party. Ugh. The worst part was when he got in his fancy car to the club where his party was at and there was a line of cars in front of the club and he was like “WHAT IS THIS? WHY ARE THESE CARS HERE? I told everyone I wanted everything ready for the party. Why are these cars in the way? How am I supposed to make my grand entrance?* I’m really going to get upset now.” Anyone who announces when they are going to get upset is a major diva, divo, whatever. But it’s not like you couldn’t guess that from before. It was weird to be exposed to a divo first thing in the morning pre-Wheaties.

oh no he diddy-int just steal my next party theme!

*He actually called it ‘his grand entrance.’ YARF.

Part three:
Endless hours of whalewatching fun right from your living room. Surprisingly fascinating. Edge of your seat entertainment for boys and girls.

this is shamu-sing. puns are not.

Part four: Last night was funtacular. I got called to a last-minute spot at an open mike. I had a brief shindig to attend beforehand so I barely had time to practice. But I sucked it up. Because that’s what you do when you’re trying to get better. I got there and immediately started trying to act all smooth and comfortable. I did this by asking people what their names were and drinking water with a straw out of a fancy glass.

And then my gig went great. I was the only girl so I got lots of yeah girlpower! claps, but also I did decently as a human being. And then I made friends with more of the other comics. Which I haven’t done as much as I should be doing. Apparently I should be networking more. At life, but also at comedy. I’m afraid of divas though. Aren’t we all? So I was trying to meet anybody who was anybody. And it was great. Nobody said, “just who do you think you are?” because that’s my nightmare.

We were all backstage making funnies. A bunch of joketellers cracking jokes. And then one of the comics and I were walking to the subway and it was great. We were in the funnyzone. Funny stuff kept happening. We kept saying funny stuff. It was like being drunk on life. Everything was hilarious. Ah man.

I get along very well with people who share my weird humor. And then we bumped into another comedian on the subway and we were guffawing all the way to each of our individual stops. We were probably being super annoying in retrospect. Life’s best moments are when someone else who is not in the picture thinks you are being super annoying.

Everyone else looked at us rather like we were a spectacle. And we were. Put together a bunch of people who make trivial observations into humor and you have a bunch of people making trivial observations every five seconds and cracking themselves up loudly. It’s unique. We are a unique and strange breed, the joketellers.

Part Four: I just knocked my computer keyboard onto the ground. Good thing it is my last day at the internship. And the humidity is making my hair look very old and very gnarly. So much for Le Babe look.

yes, i too caved and put up a cat picture.

Part Six: This plan is long and needs to be terminated. Happy Happy Joy Joy Friday is for Getting Tipsy on the Plastic.

in honor of intern ben…it’s been fun, buddy

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