Writing in the Third Person Is So Hip

just another day in unemployment land. today we saw our heroine doing all sorts of exorbitant extravagant things that she had no business doing.

these things included —

1. heroine driving into the city for a jolly springtime lunch with friends. heroine was caught in bad fistshaking traffic and forced to admit the daytime busy working city has no place for her broke lazy ass. heroine turned around and went home. defeated? oh no! thank goodness for the plastic.
ugh. i got through 2 whole cds in this mess.

2. heroine goes to hair appointment in the early afternoon. heroine asks for a big change in the hair. hair stylist is adorable. also incidentally an avid soccer player. laughs at all of heroine’s jokes. heroine is very pleased. with both laughter and quality of stylist’s work. heroine secretly begins girlcrushing on stylist. stylist spends a good 3 hours with heroine, primping her and praising her. then stylist promptly escorts heroine to front desk to pay up and begins fawning over next client (incidentally a male). heroine feels betrayed. heroine quickly forgets betrayal as she catches her reflection in the mirror. heroine’s hair looks great. extreme all-consuming vanity ensues.

salon hair is self-absorbed hair

3. heroine heads into city again (via commuter rail…) for happy hour (isn’t happy hour for people who work? yes. yes it is.) with misanthropic writer and company. various circus of guests. incoming. outgoing. bemused. amused. one guest looks like joaquin phoenix. one of them is heroine’s friend alex. alex is wearing a bike helmet. heroine has a big plate of spaghetti. heroine feels like having spaghetti at happy hour makes it ok to be unemployed. heroine defies logic.

cure-all for everything, except carb phobia. eh, maybe that too.

4. heroine gets home. heroine is tired of people asking her about the job search. heroine is tired of telling people she’s not worried so they shouldn’t be worried. heroine is starting to get a little worried. it hasn’t even been a week. heroine is supposed to feel like she’s on vaycay. heroine is office sitting for two weeks starting monday. heroine angry at world.

heroine angry at people for being fools. but not big enough fools. heroine is going to sleep soon. with her great hair. heroine will wake up with great hair. and no job. heroine can live with that.

5. addendum: boys are starting to get on heroine’s nerves. most of them have a) a job, b) too much/little confidence, or c) both. heroine wants option d: none of the above. heroine also is skeptical of men who get their hair cut in fancy schmancy salons. heroine is ok with double standards, for the record, when they are in her favor.

ugh. you’re the reason i can’t get an appointment right away. pretty face? save it for the biased judge.

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