my parents are back from china! they brought back a 100-year old chinese tapestry! no they did. oh wait. i got it wrong. they brought back a tapestry that details 100 years of chinese history. same difference. it’s a big tapestry. reminds me of tapestry pudding. doesn’t it? agree with me, dammit!

this was probably made yesterday. a lovely present though.

what else? i saw part of the movie TROY yesterday. man, heroes of old sure deserve some big ups. they’re willing to stake their honor for some chick. i approve. mostly of the tiny skirts. the women had to wear long dresses. the men got to wear tiny skirts. where did history flip the switch?

“[He] had dumps like a truck truck truck
Thighs like what what what
Baby move your butt butt butt”

speaking of which, SHOUTOUT TO MY HAS-BEEN!

jk jk omg. you know i gots your foine backside, sisqizzle. q not followed by a u, WHATtttt.

i have some work for about a month. whoopie cushion! i’m going to buy a briefcase and fill it with blank papers and EVERYTHING. the illusion of having a place in life is far stronger than some realities.

this man’s folder is full of madlibs and his briefcase is full of crossword puzzles.

HOW I FEEL ABOUT SOY NUTS.
a play in one tiny scene.

spelling bee director: johnny, your next word is SOY.
johnny: could i please have that used in a sentence?
spelling bee director: i ate a lot of soy nuts. i feel soy very sick.
johnny: SOY. s-o-*barf*-y. SOY hunnhhhhhh. i don’t feel so good.
spelling bee director: correct. you may now proceed to the next round. can someone go get a mop?

(fin)

ughz-trordinary