Driving Miss Dolly

i’m not supposed to be posting on my blog right now so shhhhhhhh.

so i am temping with one of my friends at her work for a few days. she works at an important non-profit where they are having a biiiiig latin american/spanish/united statesian business conference tomorrow and the day after with all sorts of economic, financial, ambassadorial and just general world bigwigs. they needed some extra administrative/logistical help for a few days soooo here i am.

it’s crazy! spring break crazy! except instead of excessive sunning and flesh exposure, there’s excessive collating and printing and frenetic womenz not being passive-aggressive as much as full-out stress-soaked mud-wrestling aggressive.

today morning found me on the streets of the city with the dolly from hell. you know…a dolly as in a small utility cart you use to move things around. well, i had to drop off these WELCOME packets at this hotel where some of the conference guests are staying. oh my children, you have no idea in how many ways my mission was corrupted. my dolly was possessed. by a drunk sorority girl. the thing’s wheels all went in different directions. the handle bar you used to direct the thing was only loosely attached to the device in question. shock absorption? ha. you kids and your newfangled ways. i went straight and dolly went sideways. i tried to turn and dolly made a full circle. dolly ran over toes of dogs, humans, other strollers. a baby looked at dolly with unrestrained wrath as if to say ‘you are giving mobile pedestrian devices a bad name, you ho!’ this UPS guy laughed at me, my technology being straight from the flintstones. i was sooooo embarrassed OMG.

hellloooo dolly!

i hissed, “stop it dolly! you’re embarrassing me!” but dolly paid me no mind. “i’m never taking you out again! do you hear me?” but dolly laughed. dolly laughed in my face. and proceeded to tilt over over OVER the curb into the path of a taxi. and laughed and laughed. dolly thought it was the funniest thing EVer. “dolly! you could have gotten us killed!” dolly didn’t care. dolly had one too many at last call. finally, i get to this uppity schmuppity hotel and the doorman takes one look at dolly piled high all sloppy drunk with all sorts of folders and gift bags falling off of her ungainly bulk and then looks at me, the caretaker. he raises an eyebrow. “ummmm…where are you going, miss?” “i need to go inside.” (please just let this be over quickly). “who are you with?” (mtv cancun 2006…geez who do you think i’m with? just shoot us both. put us out of our misery, dolly and i) finally, out of the kindess of his arteries, he let us both in and i skidded across the hotel floor and received several unkind stares. after making the dropoff, dolly and i hightailed it out of there. OUT OF THERE.

man, dolly sure embarrassed me but now i kind of feel like we were bonnie and clyde out there. just us against the world. dolly and i. two screwups just trying to get by. i should have wheeled us both off a cliff. how bittersweetly tragic. a tale for the ages.

5 thoughts on “Driving Miss Dolly

  1. Ashley says:

    hahaha…possessed like a drunk sorority girl, huh? I just love that line. you could make a career with this whole dolly and aparna duo thing…I see a bright future.

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