for a real good time, eat your scantily dressed salad with a spoon.
news to amuse:
email from random internet dude: hey. this is totally random. but were you at a party in [random place] on saturday night? i met someone with your name. do you have any friends who work for [random channel] news?
response: oh no, totally wasn’t me. i don’t have any friends. so must have been someone else.