A Society Where We Are Free to Pick and Grow At Our Leisure

thursday afternoons are best spent eating extra juicy oranges while having an open cut in your mouth.

following that masterpiece, i just squirted yogurt mousse in my eye. straight shot. everyone wins.

speaking of pain, i think we all pick noses, scabs and other treasure chests of fun to entertain our curiosities about pain and the body. who has not been at some point fascinated by a bit of scab or a booger shape? you lie! maybe you’ve grown out of it. but it exists. this fascination. probably in the same part of the brain that likes looking at train wrecks. the point is sometimes it feels like victory when you draw your own blood. you feel a little bit more alive.

pick it. pick it good.

yeah this little share-agraph above can be filed under “don’t you guys think [make a supposition, any supposition]?” and everyone says “NO. WHAT are you talking about?” oh well. stepping away from the flock since 1982.

my coworker ben wanted to contribute to the world that is plans, so he wrote a plan for everyone:

I have conflicted feelings about the media’s Thursday coverage of science and technology. I feel a sense of pride as I scour the news, reading about the great things humans have discovered and built. But soon, this euphoric celebration of mankind’s potential to achieve gives way to a destructive jealousy. My hubris kicks in and my inability to invent or build something like a wall socket safe (Mini Safe-in-the-Socket) leaves me feeling like a lowly intern at a large news organization.

If you feel the same way, fear not, I found something today that everyone can make, on their own or with the help of a few hormone pills… mustaches. Innovative, creative and obviously the product of many years of laborious grooming, these are the Segways and microchips of the facial hair world (Mustache Championships). Everyone’s gotta have a purpose. Is it safe to use Rogaine on my upper lip?

ben, you are an asset to mankind. i salute you with my upperlip.

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