pre-memorial day overshare session…(you better make the three days count so you don’t remember any of this shit on tuesday otherwise you’ll look like a bigger loser than me. serious.)

currently listening to: a cover of “save tonight” (eagle eye cherry) by ROCKAPELLA [whoooooooooooo, duh]

wondering: if it’s bad if your pee smells like coffee

wishing: everybody ate their sandwiches from the inside out so i’m not always the only one desecrating my work station

pretty sure that: everyone’s picked their nose at least 2 times in their life
(twice means one time was intentional)

fantasizing about: buying a sleeping bag made out of warm pita bread (yes it would stay toasty and fresh forever)

proud of: having changed my shirt in the parking lot under work. it looked like i was being fresh with myself. not that anyone was watching.

emotionally: balls deep in petty angst. a waste of time! mine and yours.

questioning: why no one is on the same page as me. GET ON MY PAGE. it’s a fabulous underworld of oversharing and flatlining and delirium and tedium and normals and playdoh imaginary best friends and legos up the nose and bad decisions but no regrets. oh yes and breakdowns aplenty! but fun cleanups involving lysol in naughty places (like your eyes).

apathetically dreading: standup. i feel like i’m going to face a firing squad. a firing squad where everyone just sits and stares. i have no jokes. not for you. not for me. well, yes for me. but you’re not going to find them funny, are you? haha comedians have pretty shitty existential crises. we’re like “i’m not funny so what’s the point? ok sometimes i’m funny but what’s the point? ok i’m freaking funny as all hell but what’s the point?” oh well. the point is. everyone is going to have to go through 7 minutes of me standing on stage dropping awkward bombs. if i ever make something of myself, i’m going to tattoo a huge certificate of participation on my bum. because that’s the only award that counts.


photos from saturday night. in which i got some glass in my foot and another girl got glass in her boobs! merry times were had by all.

what am i doing?

i lovvvveeee this girl.

way too much tongue.

5 thoughts on “DO IT ROCKAPELLA!!!

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