Take the Money and Run, Stupid

i have another analogy to make about comedy. i’m like the conservative comedian, which doesn’t mean i make jokes about less taxes and how haliburton is my homeboy, but rather, but rather, it means i play the haha game conservatively.

most people have, for a 7-minute set, let’s say 7 jokes lined up to tell. each joke in their set is worth 100 giggles maximum. so the most you can make in a night is 700 giggles. the problem is when you don’t get laughs for a joke, you get negative giggles…and depending on how few people laugh, chuckle, smile, grimace, smirk and/or react at all to that joke, you can get all the way up to -100 giggles per joke.

stay with me, you numerophobes.

the point is, most comedians are big gamblers. they start out cool, making a clean 300 right around 3 minutes, then risking it all for some real whammies at the end, and they close out 100 in the hole, but they’re better people/comedians/real-american heroes for it.

i’ll make 100 in a minute, and then i’ll walk. i’ll be like “well, that’s my time.” mostly because i don’t care about 600 more giggles. i’m happy with my 100 and i’m walking because i’m afraid of the risk. oh and while i’m at it, less taxes!

i’m in a mean mood today. i think it’s because i’m wearing two braids and i feel like a cheeky little brat even though both my braids look like they were woven by ADD one-fingered shrews. but still, i feel justified in making the rest of the world my playground in pointing out things that are stupider than me.

Leave a Reply