Yesterday’s News

this was supposed to be posted yesterday, but blogger said, nuh uh, no way. so here it is today. better late than clever.

i usually hate rejection. i usually hate it. but i’m making the most of it. i am, i’m making the most of the ups and the downs, the highs and the lows, the walking up to the door of the party and being told to go back home, you’re not wanted here, even though i brought personalized party favors for everyone. i’m skipping home. i’m skipping home while playing songs in my head and bopping it. i’m getting addicted to getting over things. it’s ridiculous how we martyr ourselves in our swollen heads. ah well, any less self-absorption would be a crime! off with her head…it’s not swole enough.

clouds dancing!

today it looks like my mother dressed me. because i actually look good. large poofy sea green skirt. crisp white princess sleeve button down. movie star sunglasses. i look like a mermaid. a land mermaid. no clamshell bra though. i wish! the parking garage guy winked at me. WINK. i always get winks at the perfect times when i’m feeling sorry for myself and/or doubting i am a worthy piece of meat. well done universe, brava!

even bjork winks.

my mother was freaking out this morning because she couldn’t find her car keys….! i was still in bed when the breakdown commenced. and then i came down the stairs like a sleep zombie to comfort her because she was late for a biopsy she had to perform, etc etc (routine doctor crisis) and she had looked everywhere…and i lean on the kitchen counter and see some keys next to the cereal. “whose keys are these?” i sleepily ponder. “THEY’RE MINE!” she shrieks as she peppers me with kisses, singing my praises all the way to the door. in conclusion, there’s a reason i still live with my parents, this being one of them.

open letter to cubemate

dear cubemate,

i realized something this morning as i was throwing cheerios in my mouth like a dysfunctional grapeshot launcher. i am really annoying, aren’t i? i’m always eating shit. i never have to deal with the millions of mail merges like you do, and i never make society-required small talk. i just infringe on your space, and you were here first. and you’re preggers and i’m just annoying. anyway, just wanted to say you do a heckuva job. keep it up. you can look at my screen anytime you want.

feeling generous for now, cubesquatter

4 thoughts on “Yesterday’s News

  1. Chris Doucette says:

    Thanks, ‘Parn. Can I call you ‘Parn? I think the apostrophe is cool. It can be, like, your symbol.I’ve decided to leave this comment on your blog not mine b/c I think it’s weird that people should have to go back into someone’s blog in order to see if there are any comments to your comment. Shouldn’t replies be proactively sent to us so that we don’t have to go trudging back through all the blogs that we’ve slummed through all day? And if one does go back to check on comments, but no one replied to our witty comments, that’s like checking your voicemail and hearing in that voicemail voice, “You’ve got…no friends…goodbye.”Lame.OK, my rant is over. Thanks again, ‘Parn.

  2. Chris Doucette says:

    Disappointed? Yes. So much for the Internet bringing a bunch of people together. Turns out, it just brings the same one person back again.Better one then none. So, welcome back!I wasn’t there Monday b/c…geez, I don’t know. I honestly couldn’t tell you. Weird. Must be aliens. Anyway, I’ll be there next time.

  3. Yoda says:

    Oh the Universe was a badass to me. Y’day I was at a local gas station trying to find a pump that works. Perplexed and irritated finding the 6th pump NOT working … I was just looking around haplessly. This boy in shorts mistakes me for the pump attendant!!!Dude. Notice the Vogue glasses. Notice the Calvin Klein Polo. Notice the GAP jeans. If not that, notice the Swatch I’m wearing.All is lost. Even if the epitome of cool clothing makes me look like a gas pump attendant ….

  4. Aparna says:

    maybe he couldn’t see through his swollen eyes…i don’t even know what i meant with that. but who would ask someone looking confused for help? WHO?! WHO?! he would, that’s who.

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