What’s In a Name? Apparently Not Accuracy.

in case i ever had an unrealistic delusion that my name is not that hard…the world has a kind little way of waving numerous life post-its in my face that my name is challenging, for everyone and anyone, at all times.

email today: mr. aparna — here are the documents you requested.

telephone earlier: oh so your name is ana? (you wish!)

bar, earlier this week:
comic: your name reminds me of apadravia
me: what’s that?
comic: it’s the most painful (therefore, best) penis piercing!
(right through the head of the beast, i’m sparing you pictures, google it, be simultaneously wowed and terrified)

email a few months ago: hello anan, thank you for contacting us.

at a bar, two weeks ago:
waspy dude: hey, what’s your name?
me: you’re not going to like it.
dude: try me.
me: aparna.
dude: WHAT?!
me: uh-parrrr-NUHhhhhhh.
dude: wtf?!
me: toodles and told ya so.

at a bar, in a land before time:
dude: so what’s your name?
me: aparna.
dude: uhhh what?
me: uh-par-NUH!
dude: i’m just going to call you rachel.

and last but not least, my dear friend somi, thought my name had a T in it for 3 out of 4 years of college. a SILENT T. she spelled my name apartna on my dry erase board in permanent marker for all to see asking as to my whereabouts one fateful afternoon. she wasn’t even kidding.

8 thoughts on “What’s In a Name? Apparently Not Accuracy.

  1. Andy says:

    Don’t forget the time you were introduced on stage by a comedian with initials JE. JE: Ok, I’d like to bring up our next comedian, where is he? Aparnat!Andy: It’s Aparna.JE: My bad, my bad. Aparna! Where are you, dude?[Aparna takes the stage]JE: Oh, wow, I fucked up. Sorry, Aparna.

  2. Yoda says:

    I know its not a competition, but my (real) name is rilly hard. I decided to stop giving out my name to strangers after a hostess at Don Pablo’s called out my name on the microphone (I was on the waitlist) as ‘Satan’.

  3. Tara says:

    hahaha. My name gets spelled and said wrong all the time. (Its not really spelled Tara but I gave up on explaining it forever ago and since its pronounced the same everyones happy)

  4. Aparna says:

    andy — i wish my name was aparnat. that has a ring to it! JE, wherever you are, ahahaha, thanks for the good times. yoda — wow, i know someone else who gets called Satan occasionally too. he’s not a bad guy neither. tara — hahahah. no you didn’t! you’re supposed to be the one with the easy name!

  5. dink says:

    Peeps are just whacked. It doesn’t matter if your name is easy or difficult, exotic or ordinary they’re gonna fuck it up. If it’s Ann they call you Anna if it’s Anna they call you Hannah if it’s Lindy they call you Linda if it’s Karen they call you Carol if it’s Joanna they call you Joan if it’s Joan they call you Jan if it’s Jan they call you Jane if it’s dink they call you pink … ETC. mumblemumblemumble

  6. Ashley says:

    A lot of guys you will meet at bars are substandard to begin with. Get a few drinks in them, and they are impossibly stupid. I really hate seeing my name misspelled (which happens more often than one may imagine). I don’t know how you deal with people who cannot even pronounce your name. How annoying!!

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