my mother placed something on my head about twenty minutes ago while i was sitting at the computer and being an obedient child some of the time, i tried extremely carefully to sit very still so the thing did not fall off. i didn’t know what it was just that it seemed to be staying put very nicely. finally, a visitor to the house walked by and looked at me very strangely. so i decided it would be a good time to take the thing off my head, as important as it had been to keep it balanced there. the results? it was a roll of tape sideways with a small furry chicken toy stuffed in it. that’s pretty much a life lesson right there.
my mother, to my father: can you buy me that grape juice i like? i can pretend i’m drinking red wine.
(yes, it’s indeed preposterous to suggest my mother could just buy a bottle of wine.)