Standing Ovations Should Involve More Air Punching, Less Clapping

today is omelette appreciation day.

yeah. you’re right. it’s not *actually*. but go with it. some people celebrate half-birthdays, y’know.

i’m hongry. for this.

yeah. i realize it’s graphic and gritty. but sometimes the truth ain’t pretty.

let’s go on a date! just you and me. we could smack our lips as we eat and make bold claims and weird assumptions. and beg for clarification when people raise their eyebrows and snigger their lips.

this looks almost as fun as a punch in the eye

mostly i just want to shake hands with someone all day. it’s like a halfassed hug. and so formal. i’ll never get over the handshake. nor the clap.

NOT THAT KIND OF CLAP, you nimsquats!

this kind.

this looks like more fun than a punch in the eye

sometimes when you’re doing it, you start to feel real strange and robotic. so instead you start rubbing the back of your neck with both hands. and people look at you. wondering why you’re not demonstrating group conformity and formal appreciation.

but come on! it’s not like when you approve of something among friends, you clap. you just wink, snort, laughfart (big whoosh of cackling air) or slap the nearest piece of skin. whichever comes first. if you clapped, they’d throw you out. straight on your head. i guess you could clap once or twice for emphasis, but anything over that and you’d get pantsed.

if sheila claps again, i flippin’ swear…

2 thoughts on “Standing Ovations Should Involve More Air Punching, Less Clapping

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