wohahahahahah. ahaha. oh um haha. woahaha. ok. get a hold of yourself, blanket.
a bee stung me on my eyelid today. PHWAP. i was out for a jog and a big flying bug flew at my eye about 10 minutes into the sweat session. pretty routine occurrence in the summer. so i blinked and swatted because that’s usually the big guns in the bug-flying-into-eye arsenal. but then the massive insect didn’t move, and in fact wriggled on my eyelid, which then started feeling like someone was putting a lit cigarette butt on my skin (this happened this weekend too so i know what it feels like).
oh, he was a narsty creature
so i went THWAP and socked at my eye, and plucked a wriggling BEE body from it. not that i could see the bee body because everything was tears and raw adrenaline at that point. but then, and call this nature at its finest (suck it, nurture!), instead of stopping and reassessing the situation, i just kept running. and running. and running. and tripping. because i lost all depth perception at that point.
i had no direction, no destination, no depth perception. i was a hazard to myself and others
and tears and swelling came with me. this is a totally inept comparison but the beesting felt like a shot of EPI-pen to my eye because, since i am not allergic to bees, as soon as i was stung like the poltroon that i am, my body kicked in with a totally sweet energy boost (natural red bull, what what) paired with a nice bucket of histamines in my facial region, and i was not sleeping until brooklyn.
see i’m not complaining because i’m sure the bee fared worse than i did. but i did consider today to be a great day to take some headshots. for my comedy career and whatnot. you guys pick your favorite. or whatever. i’ve been watching some reality television, so i’m into scoring and voting and petty alliances. i also told some beesting eye jokes at comedy tonight. in fact, that’s all i told. that lasted about 3 minutes. then i retired for the evening.
BEESTING HEADSHOT: TAKE ONE
BEESTING HEADSHOT: TAKE TWO
sad ploy for sympathy
BEESTING HEADSHOT: TAKE THREE
ooh so profound
BEESTING HEADSHOT: TAKE FOUR
still smiling! what a trooper!
p.s. UNEMPLOYED again and so is my dad. the fun starts tomorrow. don’t be jealous.
oh wait. JK JK. 7 hours later…the results prove more convincing…
eh? sideways, how about it?
my face is pure magic
here’s looking at you, kid