I Had a Swell Weekend…Err, Swollen

wohahahahahah. ahaha. oh um haha. woahaha. ok. get a hold of yourself, blanket.

a bee stung me on my eyelid today. PHWAP. i was out for a jog and a big flying bug flew at my eye about 10 minutes into the sweat session. pretty routine occurrence in the summer. so i blinked and swatted because that’s usually the big guns in the bug-flying-into-eye arsenal. but then the massive insect didn’t move, and in fact wriggled on my eyelid, which then started feeling like someone was putting a lit cigarette butt on my skin (this happened this weekend too so i know what it feels like).

oh, he was a narsty creature

so i went THWAP and socked at my eye, and plucked a wriggling BEE body from it. not that i could see the bee body because everything was tears and raw adrenaline at that point. but then, and call this nature at its finest (suck it, nurture!), instead of stopping and reassessing the situation, i just kept running. and running. and running. and tripping. because i lost all depth perception at that point.

i had no direction, no destination, no depth perception. i was a hazard to myself and others

and tears and swelling came with me. this is a totally inept comparison but the beesting felt like a shot of EPI-pen to my eye because, since i am not allergic to bees, as soon as i was stung like the poltroon that i am, my body kicked in with a totally sweet energy boost (natural red bull, what what) paired with a nice bucket of histamines in my facial region, and i was not sleeping until brooklyn.

see i’m not complaining because i’m sure the bee fared worse than i did. but i did consider today to be a great day to take some headshots. for my comedy career and whatnot. you guys pick your favorite. or whatever. i’ve been watching some reality television, so i’m into scoring and voting and petty alliances. i also told some beesting eye jokes at comedy tonight. in fact, that’s all i told. that lasted about 3 minutes. then i retired for the evening.




sad ploy for sympathy


ooh so profound


still smiling! what a trooper!

p.s. UNEMPLOYED again and so is my dad. the fun starts tomorrow. don’t be jealous.

oh wait. JK JK. 7 hours later…the results prove more convincing…

eh? sideways, how about it?

my face is pure magic

here’s looking at you, kid

9 thoughts on “I Had a Swell Weekend…Err, Swollen

  1. dink says:

    YeeeOW!Since I AM allergic to bee stings this story took on a horror epic quality for me. I was about to compliment you on how well you took the sting–seemed barely swollen at all –until the second set of pics which just look OWOWOW to me. Poor, poor Aparna–although you still manage “pretty” even with lopsided eyes. πŸ˜‰Take Care of yourself. I’ll keep the good thought about new employment (for both aparna and daddy).

  2. Yoda says:

    OUCH OUCH! That’s nasty. I’m not allergic to stings, but I know they hurt like nothing else does.Glad it missed your eyeball though. You live another day to be employed again πŸ™‚

  3. Ox says:

    ok blanket, we need to get you some bee repellent while running spray or something! shame on you for picking fights with a bee!! haha! sucks that u got stung though. at least u put up a fight! i’m sure he remembered you until it got back to the other bees and they killed it!! Nature’s justice strikes again!

  4. Chris Doucette says:

    Wait a minute – that’s not a bee sting at all… gross! Ha ha.You were funny last night. So I write a haiku in your honor:“Butterfly comic,Wherever you land there areBlossoms of laughter.”p.s. You should become the new bee girl in the next Blind Melon video!

  5. Aparna says:

    you guys are so nice!dink — awwwwww.yoda — awwwwww.ox — awwwwwwwww.ashley — awwww.chris d. —-awwwwwwww!your words are like benadryl for my soul. i feel woozy already.

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