A Portrait of the Writer as a Young Bum

today was the return of awkward middle schooler day. i guess, yesterday, technically. we’re talking TUESDAY, fragglerockers. the swelling around my orbital went down, but the swelling around my self-conscious floppy-in-my-own-skin persona got HUGE. a bee stang my persona! a cool-kid bee stang my wallflower persona!

awkward is the new smooth

i’m a little out of sorts right now. i had to hang out with a hot dude tonight. in my state! IN MY STATE! and i don’t mean virginia. and i don’t even think he knows he’s hot shit. but my hormones did a flip. and anyway, i would have been uncomfortable around a garden full of roses with pictures of firemen pasted on each flowerbud. that’s how self-conscious i was today.

don’t look at me in this state!

the point is…i’m not the only one awake right now. my dad is playing the drums in the basement. you heard me. the DRUMS. indian drums. tabla. they’re called the tabla. kaching kaching. that’s not the drum noise. that’s the cash-register noise. oh for the love of sweet pickles, will someone give me a coherent thought up in this piece?

two days of unemployment and i am permanently ex-besties with reality. the point is i was very lonely today. so i went to the public library. my best friend circa pre-K through 6th grade. and i read some chicklit. an entire book of it actually. and some small kid made fun of me and my eye. then some guy farted near me. then some lady started yelling that she needed help in the middle of the library. who does that?! meanwhile, i briefly considered signing up for the summer reading program. and winning a pizza party for my class. i left with no books, no self-esteem and very little motivation.

there’s also a small stuffed hedgehog that someone threw in our yard. and no one is picking it up. but every time any person in my family sees it, we jump, thinking it’s real.

argh! gets me every time

i’m too lazy to make connections today. that deserves at least a wrist slap, AT LEAST.

i can’t stop itching my eye. the end. best post ever.

p.s. I HEART CHRIS DOUCETTE. he wrote me a HAIKU. you can read it here plus check out his YouTube links and his blog because he is funny money. and i say that from el corazon.

7 thoughts on “A Portrait of the Writer as a Young Bum

  1. dink says:

    I don’t always get what you’re saying but I love the way you say it. You always make me laugh–and not in the pointing at aparna the idiot way you’re probably imagining but in the slap myself upside the head “ain’t it the truth!” kinda way. yanno?I don’t suppose it EVER occurs to you that YOU are making people self conscious and making hormones do gymnastics… You are. I think you oughta do something creative with all this angst (and since you’ve got some free time) …write this into a short story and SUBMIT it somewhere (please). Aren’t I bossy?

  2. Ox says:

    Is the hedgehog for sale!? If not you should put a petting zoo in your yard. Who cares if it’s just a stuffed animal!?!? Just tell the visitors that he’s very well behaved and you trained him to sit there motionless until the zoo closes! I finally updated my blog so…..check it out! haha! Yeah, both dink and I sound a little bossy today!

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