E!: True NotHollywood NonStory

yesterday at comedy was like a delicious bread sandwich with rotten tomatoes in it oozing out worms and mediocrity and the wrath of simon cowell. guess what? (but you saw this coming)

i was the rotten tomatoes.

this is my new headshot

i got on stage and it was like the audience decided they didn’t like me. and every word that came out of my mouth, they looked at me like “who are you? why are you wasting our time? what stupid thing will you say next? whatever it is, we aren’t going to laugh. are you still talking? damn shut up. SHUT UP RIGHT NOW.”

instead of reflecting inward as to why i was sucking badly, i started to hate them. HATE HATE HATE. i felt they were callous stupid people who hated everything about me. they LAUGHED IT UP HARD at the person before me and the person before him and you better believe they LAUGHED like there was no tomorrow at the person after me and the person after him.

yes. so clearly this was all me.

tears were in my eyes when i got off stage but i squished them down. that was terrrrrrible. granted i am still new and prone to bouts of extreme suckitude, but it was a bit too much. the contrast between my set and everyone else’s.

even robots hate me

anyway. that paired with the routine unemployment and such. well, it was a bit trying for a thursday night, is all. eh. a little rejection builds character. i’ll be back. if there’s one thing mama taught me not to be scared of, it’s people in seats staring at me.

no! YOU have a seat, sir!

in some more satisfying news, this man gets me. granted, he doesn’t know me, but pish posh. rotten toe-may-toe. rotten toe-mah-toe.

4 thoughts on “E!: True NotHollywood NonStory

  1. Ox says:

    Sucks that you had a bad day! Use it for motivation to do better the next time!!!! Or, you could just tell the audience to laugh or they will be shot as they leave the club!! Either way, you’ll get them to laugh!

  2. C says:

    you know, i’ve met chris carrabba a few times, and guess what… he’s probably pretty close to your height. so you might just be perfect for each other. the good news: he’s just as completely sweet and sensitive as you’d think, and gives real hugs.

  3. Aparna says:

    ox — thanks for the encouragement. i don’t think i am threatening enough to threaten people. somehow fear laughter is not what i’m going for! “i shit myself laughing” takes on a whole new meaning.c — i am unspeakably jealous. i’m going to have to hug you extra hard next time we meet to hopefully absorb some past residual chris. ay carrabba!

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