Another Overrated Diva Is Born

here i am. back at the edge. i like it here. i can swing my legs and everything.

i had my first paid comedy gig the other night. yap. that’s all i’m going to say about it because anything more would be bloated. ok fine. i’ll say one more thing.

when i was supposed to be onstage, i was in the bathroom. yes. i was a no-show for my own set. it’s not my fault there was no green room where i could sip a perrier whilst i collected my brilliant thoughts of hilarity, and where a well-groomed attendant (perhaps a monkey) could summon me when necessary.

instead i was torn from the loo with the cry of injustice “GET ON STAGE RIGHT NOW. YOU’RE ON!!!” so i got on stage frazzled, unkempt and somewhat sheepish. then i asked the audience a question about restaurants (the closest thing i have to crowdwork at this point — i assume people who go out to comedy might go out to eat as well — bad move). i received a whole roomful of blank stares as if to say “first you almost don’t show up, and now you’re interrogating us? we will not stand for this. that’s why we’re all sitting.” after that, i swallowed my pride and executed my set. a court jester is hired to jest, not to show up late and ask meaningless questions that will then be used as segues into equally meaningless jokes.

i did ok though! high five, doctor! i always bring a doctor in the room in case laughter is not the best medicine. someone did a joke about that actually. look at me, trying to steal his thunder.

the point is. i am one step closer to my goal! my goal of performing comedy for an audience full of furbies. i just have to breed them, get them paying jobs and elicit their interest in humanoid comedy. so close, yet so far.

noo-loo in furby = HAPPY

do-aay in furby = FUN

also my life is feeling like a soap opera lately due to unemployment and such. here are appropriate titles:

my headline would read: aparna and her interviewer shake hands! plus: could retail be on the horizon?

all my desperation


as the world goes apeshit

the young and the jobless

career angst of our lives

specific hospital (one that doesn’t require health insurance)

one life to temp

the weak and the pitiful

former interests

those were hella lame. but call me gimpy, i couldn’t resist.

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