My Handshake Brings All the Jobs to the Yard

i like going to interviews. the interviews themselves can be dreadful things (nothing against the interviewers) as they are an exercise in twiddling your thumbs until one or both of them falls off. the twiddling symbolizes answering personal questions like “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” (in a mirror. as always.) or even better ones like “what are your weaknesses?” (chocolate. falling for boys quickly. naptime.) in any case, the point is, i’ve started to make a career of interviewing. i organize my day around my interview. and then i treat myself to funtime in the form of spontaneous dance, a book, a movie and/or a snack.

JOB/ROMANCE ANALOGY SCALE
(created by the unemployed because we have that kind of time)

cozy, innit?
courtesy of West Virginia

first interview = first date. (i like to bring flowers/hungry eyes)
second interview = second date. (often a double/group date)
salary/insurance negotiation = “where is this going?” talk. (i like to bring kleenex)
cubicle warming = engagement party. (i like to bring zany photos and masking tape)
first two weeks of work = honeymoon period. (sometimes includes free lunch)

but, i guess what i really need to know is when do we kiss?
i guess it’s all in the handshake.
in that case, is there such thing as an ‘easy’ handshake?
how soon is too soon?


yes, i have a solid, hairy, lucrative handshake if i say so myself.
courtesy of Edmunds.com

oh, and btw, raises/promotions = kids.

man, they don’t waste any time in the careerworld. at this rate, i’m going to be barefoot and pregnant in the office kitchen…ummm…in 5 years?

yeah and that will be me switching the name labels on different people’s tupperware lunch delicacies. shaking things up! WHOOOOO. alright, time for my afternoon dance party.

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