Charmin’ Ultra

profile of a supercharmer

written by a quasi-nice jealous type

temperament: extremely good-natured to a surreal extent (i.e., when door is held open, doesn’t say ‘thanks’, but rather ‘thank you sooo much’ or ‘hey thanks’ in a chirpy/dazzling way as if you couldn’t possibly help them out more than by doing what you just did, which was merely grunt and hold your arm on the door 2 seconds longer than usual);

qualities: gets people things without them asking (i.e., cookies, beverages, handshakes, attention, self-esteem, fame, a general sense of calm and well-being, etc.); criticizes in a thoroughly uplifting way (i.e., ‘you are doing so great, but what would be even more great is if you also did this’ *infectious and encouraging smile* then proceeds to explain constructively just what to do in no way disparaging your previous work or your character); natural flirts (i.e., constant wits & they treat everyone like pals); fans of hugging;

appeal: universal, gender-neutral (actually, species-neutral);

weaknesses: aggressive, pushy people who take advantage of them without remorse;

watch out for these golden children. i know this might sound like a glowing recommendation, but before you know it, you’ll be blindsided by kindness and crying in a ditch surrounded by six of your closest flaws crying with you. except you’re crying because the golden child left and they’re crying because they are feeling underappreciated. oh, the humanity!

this guy definitely might be one when he grows up.
courtesy of Fotosearch

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