i love it when you’re checking your work email and you’re eating custard with fruit in it at the same time, and you suddenly realize said custard is curdling in your mouth so you violently spit bright yellow custard chunks onto an important part of a particular email and then you say “HEY i highlighted that information with my MOUTH!” as you double high-five your computer speaker and your coffee cup at the same time. yeah buddy!
then you get a napkin and wipe the chunks off the screen and the glee off your face.
i also love it when you’re eyeing a veggie burger patty and it’s soylent green and mushy and filled with peas and carrots and green vegetable fleshy sludge. and you have to come to terms with the fact that it’s the highlight of your lunch today even though its appearance means “broken dreams” in the universal language of food.
yesterday at comedy there was a creepy manboy making eyes at me. i think it was my dad. omg PSYCH rofl lmao cc*. but he was an indie-punk kid who was hammered and just “trying to have a good time.” (that’s the statement i got from his lawyer today) in any case, during my set he yelled “hey i know you!” and then i said something lame and made it more awkward. and then he stood next to me for awhile later in the night and blew smoke in my face and did the full-on stare. then he walked away into the night and out of my life. it was pretty awesome overall. the closest thing to a date i’ve had in months! wasted grungy kids are the new metrosexual bachelors.
and lastly, how about dem dem’s? and then rumsy and then the whole house of cards just kind of blew over. define that as you wish. i feel pretty invigorated by democracy right now. if i were a football coach, i would say “good hustle, democrats!” and then slap them all on their butts.