okie. so i don’t know if sweaty feet skip a generation and a half because the rest of my family remains immune but i got ’em BAD. i think socks were invented with me in mind.
i wonder who decided that socks really don’t need to define each toe, but gloves do need to highlight fingers. granted the use of hands involves fingers more than the use of feet involves toes. but toes need attention too.
otherwise why would there be so many toesuckers everywhere? at this point, let me aside that i have never sucked a toe…nor do i plan to anytime soon. have you seen most guys’ toes?! they look like they’re made out of trees and sand paper and calloused mushrooms.
but back to the topic at foot. i mean, socks are even poor excuses for mittens. the big toe is lumped together with the rest of the toes. it’s like those immigrant families that live 15 to a studio apartment. no breathing room! waiting in line for a bathroom break that will never come. so even with socks, my feet cry for freedom and the toe equivalent of ellis island.
however, today i’m not even wearing socks. i’m wearing bright gold shoes and naked feet in them. it’s like a rainforest without the beauty. just natural wildlife in the form of angry tiny footsweat demons.
another side note: you make a statement when you wear bright gold shoes. either you’re a super fast track star or you are a cabaret performer. i am just displaced in life, i guess, because i am neither of those.