When I Grow Up, I Will Write Poignant Blogs

i have a lot to say but too much energy to conform it into words and sentences. so bear with me. at best, this could result in a emergency broadcasting test signal. at worst, well, i could make sense for once. let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.

we had a new baby come into the office today. no, not by himself, haha! you guys slay me. what if he walked in with a little business suit and a briefcase and left his card with us? ha, i would have written his number down on my palm *to call later* if you know what i mean. now that’s robbing the cradle, zing! (pause for rotten vegetable projectiles)

anyway, newborn baby in office. everyone was aflutter. recent birth. first time new mommy was visiting. everyone oohed and aahed like the baby was a dolly come to life only to sleep and gurgle. anyway, it was exciting. someone took a picture with their cellphone. the baby has a receding hairline. the end.

awwww a newborn furrypinglepong
courtesy of Flickr and Best Photo Weekly

i’m eating an orange with a major rash/leprosy. it could be both. it could be neither. but i’m still eating it before any of the timid blush and the sensitive squawk in outrage. i will bathe its sores later if there’s anything left. and i will plant its seeds in a garden where the fountain of eternal infernal youth springs. so don’t think i’m uncharitable when it comes to oranges.

truly invasive surgery
courtesy of Flickr and Pixeldiva

update: this orange had 40+ seeds in it. yes, i rounded up. towards the beginning, middle and end of the consumption process, i felt like i was spitting out my teeth. eating an orange with many seeds in it is a virtual lesson in spitting out your teeth. after the number of seeds exceeded the number of teeth in my mouth, it just felt like i was spitting out someone else’s teeth. conclusion: gah-ross!!!

remember how when you were little, you said, “when i grow up…i will do [x]”?? but it was never limited to “i will be an astronaut” or “i will marry a baker,” i also said things like “when i grow up, i will be chinese” or “when i grow up, i will no longer be tone deaf.” man, those were the days.

we had a benefits fair today. the AFLAC guy was there! i walked into the fair and i was the only one there so all the healthcare, dental care, life insurance care, vision care, etc. reps just stared at me plying me with their brochures and free pens and keychains and leftover halloween candy. i grabbed as many free pens as i could and then i ran. who provides social anxiety coverage?

AF-Lacks social skills
courtesy of Flickr and Maceomontez

today’s lesson: never give a 24-year-old girl with the mentality of a 13-year-old girl the power to instant message OR blog. she will abuse it. it is her birthright. lol.

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