in repeat offender news, remember my parents? yeah…those dudes. well yeah so they went to my improv showcase on monday night. in said improv showcase, my main piece was a scene with another woman in which we both played two massive nerds in computer class. i was the nerd computer teacher and she was the nerd computer student. so i asked my parents if they liked the show afterwards and they did the requisite ooh and aah and way to go, tiger. and then my mother pauses and asks me cautiously, “you were supposed to be a computer, right?” *cue my head exploding with glee into rainbows and stars and pillsbury doughboys*
apparently my mother didn’t know what my partner and i were supposed to be even though we both used archetypal computer geek voices and behaved suitably awkwardly. so she leans over to my dad during the show and asks him, and he replies without hesitation, “oh they’re computers.”
so in honor of HAPPY TURDUCKEN TOFURKY FEATHERED FOWL AND FRIENDS DAY…
i bring to you my new winter linguistic wardrobe. it’s like the victoria’s secret holiday lingerie show but with more words and less cleavage.
new phrase: “it’s not sprocket science!”
tiny tony is fixing my car. and smells a leak. he tells me they’ll have to keep it overnight.
me: buh-buh-butttt tiny tony! it’s not sprocket science!
tiny tony: shaddup.
new joke (this is bad. prep for it.): so there’s this bloke named johnson and he works in a factory job and utterly hates it. perhaps a sprocket factory. perhaps! anyway, one day he loses a finger in a horrible gears accident while on the job. and he quits…taking his worker’s comp with him. next day, overheard around water cooler — anonymous coworker: well, looks like johnson finally gave the factory the finger!
WOKKA WOKKA WOKKA.
we have a half-day at work. i will go to mall and buy cinnabon and then laugh at world. har har. maybe i will get manicure and fix my brawny man hands. or MAYBE i will sleep on couch until i float down a river of drool and end up in turkeyland where they eat people for thanksgiving. gobble gobble.
and then there’s this (courtesy of Don’t Be That Guy Films):