I Have Voted Myself Off the Island

i generally act dumb after midnight. tonight is no exception. so far i have blown my nose and somehow the contents of the tissue fell in my mouth.

don’t worry. i fixed it.

acceptable at this age? sure. mine? not so much.
courtesy of Flickr and Rich2112

but everyone in the room was unspeakably upset for about 7 seconds. mainly, my nose and my mouth.

anyway, i decided this was the only place in my life to share this experience.

it’s not the kind of water cooler talk that wins you friends. it might influence people though.

speaking of H2O, i was parched a short while ago. my throat was like sandpaper. excellent for everything except breathing and swallowing.

so i thought about water for a long time.

i imagined streams and brooks and giant BRITA pitchers dancing in the streets spouting fountains. i fantasized about joyful sprinklers and Fiji water and Perrier waterfalls and mix tapes that quench thirst.

do not tease me, brain! you are delirious right now as your neurons are dry and useless.
courtesy of Flickr and Jto

then, what seemed like hours later, i saw the full water bottle near my hand.

and now i think is a good time to excuse myself seeing as how i’ve talked about absolutely nothing except my lack of basic survival skills. i broke both cardinal rules offered by the discovery channel.

1) don’t eat your excretions
2) stay hydrated

ah woi, if one person feels less alone after having read this, well…you’re welcome.

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