i brought a giant glass bottle of perrier to work today, which i directly swigged occasionally, burping in between. i like drinking it so fast that the carbon dioxide bubbles burn my throat and i run out of air and i have to slam the bottle down gasping. i am reckless about things like breathing and hydrating.
hey guess what? temperatures are cold enough that they mark the return of ninja snot.
ninja snot is the snot you don’t even know is on your face because you can’t feel your face until you perceive a gentle tickling on your cheek, and suddenly you realize there’s a river rushing straight from your nose cascading around your mouth and across your cheek then off your chin into oblivion where it dangles…dangles…dannnnnngles….
oh they’re very good, the snot ninjas are…
courtesy of Shawnimals
in conclusion, ninja snot is somewhat useless for anything except making you look like a giant neglected baby.
i saw a lady with a coat the size of a sleeping bag today and the same insulation capacity. it went from her hood all the way to her shoes. and i was like “man now that’s some coat.”
it’s like the coat ate her…
courtesy of Foundmark
i feel like i’m just coming off a two week bender of cake and computer screen. i feel like i’ve hit rock bottom and i’m seeing myself in the mirror for the first time: greasy hair, vacant eyes, dry throat. plus someone stamped “REHAB” on my forehead. suddenly everyone’s a comedian.