Who Needs Friends When You Have Bad Taste?

i know nothing about fashion. so today when my fashionista friend asked me for advice on what shoes to wear with her little black dress, stupidparna naively suggested, “black shoes?”

WRONG.
WRONG.
WRooooooooooNGuhhhhhhh!

the supermodels in the sky said…”how much do we think you are a fashion dunce? let us count the ways!” and thus i have been sentenced to a lifetime of burlap sack tunics, felt leggings and teva’s. seriously, how could i be such an idiot? who wears black with black? what is this, the dark ages?!

if you didn’t pick up on the sarcasm, i have no idea what is so insane about wearing black shoes with a black dress but apparently i’m the minority here. actually i’m the minority everywhere except india. no even there because i was born here and most of themze was born there. so everywhere! everywhere i am the underrepresented. i need some affirmative action for fashion.


heidi klum says: my eyes! my eyes!
courtesy of Flickr and KacciukPhoto

SWEET MOLLY MALONE! i came up with a way to make friends with people at the office. since the people who work here already have their friends, i’m now targeting all the new hires. when they look lost, i show them the way. when they look confused, i listen to their grievances. they’re gonna really like me or be creeped out. in any case, by hook or by snook, i will have a lunch partner by spring!

there is a man in my office who talks like a muppet. it is the most wonderful thing i have ever heard. too bad i can’t take him seriously. too bad NO ONE can take him seriously. especially when he says things like “turnaround time” and “rough estimate.” imagine if grover said things like “turnaround time” and “rough estimate.” you’d be rolling! we all would be. it’s just something that is, like the water cycle.


great photo, mediocre caption
courtesy of Flickr and Citizen Jim

yay for secret santas everywhere! except for me! yay yay yay yay yay yay.

2 thoughts on “Who Needs Friends When You Have Bad Taste?

  1. Yoda says:

    Nothing wrong with black shoes!

    Heidi Klum can go get her *blimp* *blimped*

    I love black. Didn’t you hear AC/DC? “Back in Black …”

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