Baby Gets Pacifier Snatched Away Rudely

well i got a sign if i ever needed one.

my mother walked into my bedroom this morning, and said the five most terrifying words possible to the eternal baby, youngest child, bratface, perpetual internal tantrum-throwing toddler of the world that i will always be.

“we are charging you rent.”

*pin-drop echoing silence*

then she shook me awake, and repeated herself. this time i screamed.

“for boarding.”

*grimace, tried to wrestle out of her hands*

“and food. those omelettes don’t come free!”

*fainting at this point*

“please bring me your check for january by monday.”

well, i was already starting to think of heading out. now that i feel the burn of the steel-toed boot on my bum, i think it’s official. however, i’ll stay until i’ve sucked the dregs clean out of my host abode, parasite-style. and i’m taking the omelettes with me!

but i stopped asking for a mint on my pillow! nothing? nothing?
courtesy of Flickr and Quilting Mick/Michelle


in other news, i was walking by some teenage kids yesterday. and because i often pass for a teenage kid, i kind of was expecting some male attention because they looked like the rabblerousing types who like to say things, even if for no other reason than just to get them off their chests. so i tried to focus on a point in the distance because i was passing in extremely close proximity.

anyway, as i walked by, one of the kids looks me over. and i’m like “ok, just say whatever you would like to say, please, and get it over with.” but then he just sort of reaches over and GRABS my arm, like “oh i would like this arm, thanks.” and i didn’t even flinch, i just kind of twirled away with a sort of halfspin around him, saying nothing, and kept walking. it was the most nonconfrontational basic assault ever. i mean, speaking loosely.

courtesy of Amazon


MAHNA MAHNA!!! this is pretty much what goes in my head on most days.

4 thoughts on “Baby Gets Pacifier Snatched Away Rudely

  1. Yoda says:

    I like sunny-side-up 🙂

    Omelets are good too, but only with onions, cheese, green peppers and a dash of jalapeños! Of course, hash browns on the side and orange juice to drink.

  2. Aparna says:

    scarlet — fear it! fear it!

    yoda — hmm, i see the omelettes stuck with you the most. interesting.

    d — thanks, man. i think i’ll survive.

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