What’s One Level Below Junk Mail?

today is a refresh-email-continuously-in-the-hopes-of-getting-that-one-special-email kind of day. but i don’t even know what that one special email is. i do know WHAT THAT EMAIL ISN’t (l.l. bean newsletter, i’m looking at you).

i also have gotten emails from:

goldstar events (more potential speed dating opportunities?! yes please! my self-esteem has been way too high these days anyway)

moveon.org (party at bob’s house to bring down the party at the white house! maybe they should send out evites instead?)

ticketmaster: don’t miss disney on ice! 100 years of magic (…)

buy.com deals on plasma tvs and digital storage units (it’s not a deal with there are numbers higher than zero after the dollar sign, it’s a pipe dream)

jetset mafia (yes, somehow, i am on a party elite list. you can be on it too! that’s how elite it is!)

yes, excuse me? i got your mass email. i think you know who i am. now please let me in so i may groove.
courtesy of Jetset Mafia

so you know, if any actual PEOPLE with PERSONAL messages want to say anything, GRAB A NUMBER. because i have to tend to my various memberships and societal obligations like BUYING CRAP and PAYING TO MEET FUN AND INTERESTING PEOPLE in forced casual environments.


in comedy, bombing is a bad thing. in real life, well, i would wager to say, it’s worse. (bush, i’m looking at you)

if bush sent out an evite right now to all the troops to a party in iraq, NO ONE WOULD RSVP YES, or even MAYBE!!! and i don’t care if he has 5 kegs and free body armor for everyone. it’s NOT HIS HOUSE. seriously. seriously.

for a free cheer-up, might i suggest IMPROMPTU DANCE.

courtesy of Flickr and MAOscorpio

5 thoughts on “What’s One Level Below Junk Mail?

  1. dink says:

    “in comedy, bombing is a bad thing. in real life, well, i would wager to say, it’s worse. (bush, i’m looking at you)”

    is soooo funny! the part in parenthesis just did me in.


  2. Mike says:

    Ah yes, the good ‘ol speed dating e mail. I tried speed dating once. It was more like speed rejection in my case. I was shunt like an Amish woman turned porn star. Speed rejection is good though. Usually I coax a number out of a woman, wait the normal 3 days, (kinda like the hand gun wait period) then call her only to discovery that she deftly gave me a number to some random buisness like Home Depot. “Hello, is Denise there?” “No, but we are having a sale on dry-wall.” Then I fantacise for weeks about women in orange smocks. I stink.-Mike O’Hara

  3. Yoda says:

    Bush doesn’t even care if other people live or die. He’s just concerned with pushing his (right-wing) agenda. Now he’s clamoring against a failure in Iraq. WHO told you to go there in the first place??


    Hope you got a personal message or two after the post.

  4. Aparna says:

    dink — yay!

    mike — speed dating should be outlawed waaaaay ahead of pot. maybe only pot could help it.

    bryan anthony — woof indeed.

    yoda — thanks!

    sorry guys, this comment response sucked.

Leave a Reply