this morning, i had another ethical moment. well sort of. i was jogging through the tiny strip of woods near my house, and i passed this woman walking and talking on her cellphone. and aways behind her was waddling faithfully and diligently, the most yay-dorable thing i’ve ever seen. it was a pup, or maybe even an adult doggay. i can’t not resort to baby talk when discussing this rare specimen. you couldn’t stop going “boody boody boo” as soon you saw her. it was a she, i knew without checking, i just got a vibe. no picture will do this furrrfluffygooogywuggins justice. so i will say she was the collective cuteness of the following three specimens times a couple million blodgits.
courtesy of Magpie-moon and Flickr
courtesy of Swandive0000 and Flickr
courtesy of txteri and Flickr
equaled this tub of eye morphine. the dog was kind of shaped like a small-scale old-school bathtub (the ones with the feet). it was incredible. anyway, as soon as i saw her, i reverted to primal instinct “I WANT THAT.” it was overpowering to a shocking degree. i even felt my muscles spasm involuntarily in the direction of the dog with the intention of picking her up and running. somehow, i repressed my ID using my SUPEREGO with back-up vocals by my EGO (<a href="http://tinyurl.com/2urvwu
“>you’re my homeboy, freud)
…and luckily made it out of there without harming another citizen’s right to happiness.
unfortunately, when i was coming back in the other direction, i passed the CUTEMONSTER again. this time, my face turned into one of utter panic. sure, one time, you can fight a primal urge. but twice? you’re just ordering things that are not even on the menu, to be frank. anyway, the lady (still on the cellphone) saw my horrified expression and was like “are you ok?” and, of course, years of perfecting social graces led me to mumble “oh yes, thank you” but i was thinking NO LADY, I WANT YOUR DOG, AND THERE’S VERY LITTLE HOLDING ME BACK FROM BUNDLING IT INTO MY ARMS AND SPRINTING LIKE THE (non-cliched) WIND! even the dog picked up on my intentions and cut a wide circle around me, in passing.
so the moral is: puh-leeze. i am in no position to preach anything. i am hanging on by a shred of dignity at this point.
on a random and possibly diseased note…
yesterday night, i went ratwatching! jealous? just kidding, you never intentionally go ratwatching. it’s more like hanging around parking lots often leads to incidents like tracking number of couples making out, witnessing possible gang activity and ratwatching. it took more than a little willpower to not chase one (a rat, not a gang member) in an attempt to tickle it. (<a href="http://tinyurl.com/2hxrrf
“>rats like being tickled, i’m serious.)