Crappens

so it turned out to be the stomach plague of the commoners.

i am suffering from some ridiculous nausea that doesn’t know when to leave the party. HEY NAUSEA. your friends DIARRHEA and COLD SWEATS left hours ago. HINT HINT. might want to at least attempt to look for your coat, and take your damn clinger of a poser friend SLIGHT FEVER with you. oh, hold the phone, STOMACH CHURNING and FEVER HEADACHE just showed back up! PUT DOWN THE LAMP, NAUSEA, or i’m calling the po (by releasing the phone). yes, it’s an empty threat, but you don’t respond to anything anyway, do you?!


please leave my party. please leave my party. please leave my party.
photo courtesy of Flickr and mightyjc

anyway, considering this nausea has hit as of 7am this morning. and it is has continued through 10am…well, i think it’s more than fair to call it morning sickness. though i am not physically pregnant, i feel emotionally pregnant with worries and flu virus cells that love me too much to leave me (don’t worry, it’s a common affliction). in order to commit fully to the part, i am basically wearing clothing that looks like a giant pillow. i am. i’m not even slightly exaggerating. i’m wearing a large shapeless gray fleece that looks like i am swollen on the inside with something denser than air and gray pants, which creates the unfortunate reality of one huge gray mass. a giant stuffed person of stomach turning and quease. you can’t even tell what shape i am. yesterday i had robot head because my neck muscles puttered out in the middle of the day so really everyday is a new gezhundheit in the form of another bodily malfunction.


this is almost me lying on the floor today.
photo courtesy of Flickr and dewrene

in funclusion, my mother has been making me omelettes (momelettes!) with toast and cooing at me as soon as i get home and she even stomached an episode of America’s Next Top Model with me even though you could see her eyes forming a coup as we sat and watched. for all this and less, i thank you, you common flu-zy!

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