self-indulgent note: check out the comment on my last post. yumazing!
1. Casual Thursday
this first request goes out to my friend and coworker (we work together…sort of), springtime flower bra.
hey bra, stop showing! i keep pulling up my dress and you keep insisting on peeking out. i’ll have you know this is a professional workplace! not some kind of a bra-thel.
oh man, on fire! i’ll be here all day, folks.
2. Coquetrying too Hard
ok so this comedian i know, Andy Kline, great comedian with really smart material btw, he has this joke about how flirting is just two people acting dumber and dumber with each other. i totally agree. and sometimes, when you catch yourself in the middle of flirting at the peak of its stupidity, it’s truly somewhat disgusting. but the sad fact is when you try and introduce attempts at rational thought into a flirtation, the results just backfire and everyone ends up looking dumber than previously realized.
example? chew on this. today, the barista guy at the coffeeshop i frequent in the morning (hint: it’s a big company that i’m ashamed to mention because i don’t think they need any more advertising) might have flirted with me. but i really don’t know what went on. i just smiled and batted my lashes a little to help smoothly facilitate the process but really, i think overall, the whole experience went horribly for both of us and we both are lesser people because of it. the first few questions were standard fare. and then the conversation slowly degenerated into a dartboard for disgust and contempt.
Barista Bob: “oh look, it’s my favorite customer!”
Me: “oh really, your favorite?”
Barista Bob: “yeah. out of all of em, you’re my favorite. you’re here every day.”
Me: “oh come on, i’m not here *every* day.” (stars indicate playfully accentuating the word ‘eveeeeerrrrry’ like so to indicate my mischievous and feisty spirit)
Barista Bob: “no dude, you’re here every day. in fact, we’re going to start hanging pictures up of all our regular customers including you.” *mimics drawing a picture frame around my face* (dude? photos? like wanted posters in a post office? wanted for supporting to the point of practically giving backrubs to the MAN himself?)
Me: “i am not here everyday! i’m here, on average, 3 days a week.” (was this detail even necessary? why am i throwing out statistics? this is the beginning of the downward spiral)
Barista Bob: “3 days, same thing. let’s see…” (starts counting on his fingers…it gets worse)
Me: “yes, 3 days!”
Barista Bob: “yeah, that’s like…what so there’s 7 days in a week so 3 days out of that…that’s like all of the week!” (ok, not only does this introduce the element of MATH into the flirtation sequence, but it’s also math that doesn’t add up…unless you’re in CRAZY WORLD!)
Me: “yeah, ok, whatever” (this is the sexiest thing i could think of to say at this point)
*witnesses in line behind me are now comatose with boredom and secondhand embarrassment*
hey, thanks a latte! *giggle, snort*
photo courtesy of Flickr and Mearesy
RIP kurt. such brilliance.