Legal Petting in the Workplace

i think most standard offices would be greatly enhanced by the presence of an office pet. and sure, we could start the stakes low at fish…but c’mon, HR dealer, i’m here to throw down at the imaginary (i-don’t-give-a-)craps table! onward with delusions of fuzzy grandeur!

so the office pet would be exactly like in elementary school when there was a bunny rabbit in the corner of the classroom, waggling its ears and twitching its nose, in the middle of another draggy afternoon. and you only had to wait one hour until you could go pick it up and run your hands over one hella soft bunny back.

think of the possibilities! an office gerbil! an office hamster – running in its wheel while you run in yours! an office ferret! an office guinea pig litter! i already picked out names for the piglies — copy, collate and staple.

PURRRRFECT.

photo courtesy of Flickr and Robb.Astro

UNACCEPTABLE.

photo courtesy of Flickr and Lisa Andreasen

on holidays and weekends, one person gets to take the pet(s) home! much superior to an afternoon coffee break would be a holding session – me holding a furry bundle for an indeterminate amount of time. and OF COURSE the animal in question would get its own office (knock before entering), completely made up like a natural environment (not the same thing but my cube doesn’t really look like a playground, and that’s my natural environment so yeah).

my friend on the west coast, whose employer is basically Hippies ‘R’ Us, says people bring dogs to work at his “office”. YARF. here on the east coast, we bring snow globes to work. so we can remember what the weather’s like outside (in april, mind you) while we’re in our prison cubes, and furthermore, remember the taste of freedom and good, clean living in glass bubbles!

sometimes, when i’m feeling extra crazy, i bring one of those zany pens to work. the kind where the little car slides from one end to the other when you tip the pen upside down. on second thought, i might start becoming that weirdo who lines up stuffed animals all over her workspace. what? it’s better than dolls.


la-la-la-losin’ it
photo courtesy of Flickr and altopower

my 2nd idea is an office laughing club. knitting club, you’re going down!

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