Not Actually: a Movement in Four Parts

1. i have a serious crush on this neighborhood dog. i talked about it before. on our first run-in…i almost picked up the dog and ran away. today while out for a jog, she and i crossed paths again. but here’s the thing–this dog is never on a leash. such a mild-mannered gentle creature could never be tied down. free spirit. young hearts be half-price tonight.

anyway, i always know she’s coming because her owner always walks 20 feet ahead of her talking on her cellphone, and then this little lump of love comes toddling up behind her around the corner because she takes her time. because that’s how she is.

today when i saw the lady coming on her cellphone, i started hyperventilating. it was a bonafide crush reaction. my heart started pinging. i lost my breath because i knew the fuzzy was coming! and then she arrived! slowly padding along. like a gentle breeze!

not the dog, but you get the point
photo courtesy of Flickr and Valerie Reneé

anyway, the owner was already 20 feet ahead so i, of course a bundle of nerves, stopped to have a precious moment (a moment made up of many tinier special moments) with her. when i let her smell my hand and then patted her soft soft head, it was like time stopped. and for a moment, it was just us two in the world. when will i see her again?! sigh le sigh sigh. i still haven’t washed my hand (kind of gross, i know).

2. this morning, i caught the second half of the “Saved by the Bell” episode where Jessie can’t stop taking the caffeine pills. i’m so excited, i’m so excited, i’m so…scaaaared!

3. i had to stop frequenting my usual coffee shop because there is a male barista who is way too overeager for me to handle in the morning. this is not so much a reflection on him as it is on me having social anxiety. if it was later in the day, my a-game levels would be recharged, but before noon, fuggeduhbowdit.

but then YESTERDAY he wasn’t working so it was safe. but you know what else wasn’t working? the credit card machine. i swear this story has a point, hang tight. anyway, so i said i’ll come back and the lady was like “no it’s ok what are you having?” and then she let me just have my drink and said i could pay later because i didn’t have any cash. so i come back later to pay and they’re all like “no worries, buddy! it’s on the house!”

now there’s a tip
photo courtesy of Flickr and OPHOTN

so now i’m all conflicted. i was kind of boycotting barstuck’s (name changed to protect the not-so-innocent) coffee because of the boy and because of the unibrow that barstuck’s is on the face of american coffeeshops (undeniable, but likewise unappealing, and yet, time-consuming to give up). the moral is i owe barstuck’s one. and i’m afraid it’s going to be my firstborn child. i just don’t know it yet. (case in point: rumpelstiltskin)

4. right now i’m sticking cheerios onto a banana so i guess i’ll chat with y’all later.

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