SORRY THIS IS KIND OF GRAPHIC. if you don’t like the sight of blood, avert your eyes.
so yeah, i gave blood today. sort of.
4 teef ripped clean out my mouf! so the part where my whole face feels like a ski mask (mildly ironic because just a bit ago, it looked like someone murdered my mouf) is wearing off, but luckily my mouf worked enough to swallow the pain-pain-go-away pills. no thanks to my tongue who was, and still is, just lying there uselessly taking up space (makin’ out would be an olympic sport right now…and it would be called makin’ ouch). the inexplicable part is that i have so much energy i am bouncin’ off the walls and i can’t stop dancin’! bleedin’ and dancin’! bloody dancin’, mate!
Adventures in Swallowing Pills When Your Mouf Is Numb
1. get a glass of water. whaf, er? Whhhhaaaa-turrrrr.
2. tilt your head way way way way tipsy back. like you’re admiring cloud forms on your ceiling.
3. smile. this is almost pleasant. then grimace because it hurts to smile.
4. pour a trickle of water down your throat.
5. feel the water seep out of the sides of your mouth and onto your “i was very brave” t-shirt.
6. try again.
7. choke on the water. *sputter sputter*
8. try again.
9. *choke + gag duet*
10. try AGAIN.
11. *sputter leak*
12. try AGAIN.
13. the pain is coming like an army on the horizon!
14. try AGAIN!
85. SUCCESS! reinitialize bleeding sequence.
reward — beer mug full of strawberry milk.
all’s well that bleeds well. if you need me, i’ll be convalescing.
p.s. shout out to my premolar homeys…teeth # 5, 12, 21, 28…you guys were team players. RIP.