so in a stunning display of precision and grace, i fell on my face yesterday after getting my feet tangled in some sort of plastic packing material while jogging. of course, i saw the packing material, began to have a thought along the lines of stepping in that is probably a bad idea and next thing i know i’m plummeting towards earth like a champion. my audience of witnesses was two young chaps who took a moment to assess my technique before continuing their game of hitting each other with a ball.
after some evaluation, i concluded that i managed to scrape several different points on my body making me the equal-opportunity points-of-contact faller i always knew i could be.
a. upper left pelvic tiny scrape + bruise – check. (i like this one because it meant my shirt went up a little when i fell! hawt.)
b. middle finger of left hand knick – check. (i like fate’s choice of finger. nice demonstration of figurative irony. i just made up that term.)
c. palm of left hand scrape + bruise – check. (now at least one hand looks tough like worker’s hands. i approve. the toughness is relative however because i tried to do a push-up later using said palm and promptly fell over on my side and immediately assumed the fetal position.)
d. left elbow mild scrape – check. (standard elbow rough-uppage. it completes the “badge of courage” outfit.)
e. right knee scrape – FIESTA TIME.
immediately after said incident occurred, i proceeded to finish my run in order to work with some adrenaline to cope with the fallout (literally!) and i managed to keep the body in check. however, after scrubbing the gravel out of my knee in the shower, i got lost in the bloody face of my knee and meditated on it for close to half an hour. i am obsessed with open wounds in case you didn’t know that about me before. welcome to the dollhouse.
so when i shared my athletic feat with the parent doctors, my dad tried to convince me to take a bath in rubbing alcohol which i politely declined, and my mother comes into my room this morning preaching the inherent worth of a good tetanus shot, which i dismissed with several waves of my hand and a flip of the hair.
i did accept a bandaid for the knee, which has proved to be completely useless. first of all, it’s not big enough to cover the area so the sticky part of the bandaid is still on bloody parts, and secondly, the wound won’t stop oozing. my pants keep receiving phantom wet gooey spots that soon crust over until a new one forms. and this just in, a trickle of red goo was just sighted sliding past my ankle. i better go handle this. thanks for tuning in.