Life’s a Real Kneeslapper

events and non-events (you pick which is which):

1) someone put their polka-dot purse in the office fridge.

2) the oozing from the leg stopped. the final crust formations are pretty elegant though, kneetural wonders even! my dad doused it in hydrogen peroxide yesterday despite my protests. so now i have a bleached blonde scab with antibiotic ointment hair gel all over it.

knee booboos no longer evoke sympathy after this age.
photo courtesy of Flickr and graciesmama

3) if you mix hummus and salad dressing together, it resembles a cold soup, perfect for a chewing-optional lunch.

4) i get to go to the Urgent Care clinic and sit with the colicky babies and wait for a tetanus shot, even though it’s been 2 days since the gravel got a behind-the-scenes tour of my knee. my mother told me to make sure i specify an adult tetanus dose, and not a baby dose. i don’t know what that says about her and/or about me.

5) recent comments directed at me at work —

“you’re a comedian?! but you’ve never said anything that’s funny.”

“why are you limping? oh. ohhhh. ewwwwwwww. don’t point that thing at me.”

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